


Secret Heart

by t_shirt



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Lemon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_shirt/pseuds/t_shirt
Summary: The two top pilots of an elite facility experience enlightenment through the unexpected introduction of the zero system.Another ficlet from way back.
Relationships: 1x2 - Relationship, 3x4
Kudos: 8





	Secret Heart

Secret Heart  
1x2, 3x4 A/U Romance  
Light angst, mild language, mild lemon

Summary: The two top pilots of an elite facility experience enlightenment through the unexpected introduction of the zero system.

There is a little known facility in the outer level of L1 nobody really pays attention to. Our benefactors keep a tight lid on the happenings within not only because it’s technically illegal, but considered immoral to essentially abduct children for the express purpose of turning them into lethal weapons. However, such is not the case. There is not one captive among us, though a great number of our piers are well below an age of accountability in the general public’s eyes. On the contrary, we have, each of us, fought tooth and nail to be accepted and compete mightily on a daily basis to retain our positions. 

I have a natural ability that allows me to excel in my current environment giving me an edge over those who covet guidance. It is not in my nature to simply follow the lead, which has made me the top ranked agent at St. Gabriel’s as long as I’ve been there. However, there are others who challenge my standing every day. 

Trowa is a mercenary who came to us shortly after I joined. His past is unknown to anyone but Quatre, a young heir who abandoned his fortune in favor of the on going fight against corruption. Wufei was sent to us by his family, a noble and respected clan in China that has long since worked outside the law for both profit and peace. Each of these rivals bears their own distinct capabilities that often force me to throw caution to the wind if I am to retain my spot at the top of the list, which is a task that became immeasurably more difficult when a new recruit by the name of Duo was inducted. 

It is unclear from where he hails though his accent whispers of L2 origins. His manner corresponds with the notion as well, but it hardly matters where he came from. I’ve never seen a more determined pilot nor have I been tested so fiercely by any other rival. He is quick and strong on the field, the machines he pilots obey his every command with utmost precision, which is confusing when his apparent lack of sincerity is considered. I underestimated him because of his playful and sometimes careless approach, a mistake most of our number have made repeatedly against him, though I learned by the second failure to guard against his whimsy as well as his blade. He finds this less than amusing, but my goal isn’t to entertain him. 

Once a month we are required to test new machines that might make our jobs easier and this is where I first lost to him. His performance bordered on insane during the first trial in which we were required to go head to head in the same prototype Trogon, a car sized, bullet shaped infiltrator that was meant to burrow behind enemy lines quickly giving the pilot an opportunity to disable communications or whatever else the mission might be. I thought at first he simply wanted to beat me to the goal, but when my unit malfunctioned leaving me stranded halfway through he didn’t even slow down. I watched with everyone else, utterly bewildered while he gave a horrendous war cry and dove head first into the fray. He injured two of the defending agents and won a commendation for his determination. 

He has tested me at every turn since. Even the fact that he’s so immensely popular grates my nerves, though I have never yearned for the company of others. However, seeing him joke and laugh with people I’ve know for over three years when I am barely able to converse with them annoys me. 

“Hi, Hiiro.”

However, there are those I would just as soon not speak to at all. 

“May I sit here?”

I didn’t care that Relena’s expression dimmed when I stood and walked away, but sharing a lunch table with her wasn’t something I was willing to tolerate. My mind noted that Duo glanced our way while I vacated, but his mild concern over the incident only annoyed me more. I’d been dodging advances from our owner’s daughter since the day I arrived, but no matter how many times I walked away she just kept popping back up. Happily, she wasn’t with us most of the time and her visit this time was near to an end, so I would be able to relax and concentrate on the testing of a new suit that housed an innovative and somewhat dangerous attribute. 

The preferred method of attack and defense at St. Gabriel’s is mobile suits. There are many Aries and Leo’s to choose from, but elites such as Duo and myself are given the ultimate in war machines. Wing has been my ally for some time, though upgrades have made it hardly resemble its original design. The designers had outdone themselves this time and I felt a surge of excitement when I saw the new wing shaped stabilizers on its back. They were going to give me so much more maneuverability I couldn’t wait to strap in, but once there the true nature of the evolution of Wing came clear. 

“Wing Zero, you are clear for go.”

The moment I engaged the zero system everything changed. It was all so clear, each movement and destination was mapped out in such precise detail it made it ridiculously easy to demolish the entire range of enemies. It was so smooth.

“Wing Zero, stand down.”

Just…too easy.

“Hiiro!”

“What’s wrong!?”

“DISENGAGE!!”

**

“What happened?” I asked when my mind started to come around. All I could remember was a sense of detachment and the odd inclination that the eastern barracks had been destroyed. 

“What do you remember?” Sally asked. 

I was starting to feel a little sick while visions of men running in terror filled my mind. “I…who were they?” I garbled holding my suddenly spinning head. 

“Who?” she countered. 

“The…people.” What was it? “They were running.” I was aware of others entering the room, but couldn’t pull myself together enough to acknowledge them. “From me…but why?”

“Because you trashed the barracks,” came Duo’s wavering tone of ill concealed rage. 

“What?” I gasped gaping at him in shock. “But…their allies…why would I…”

“It would seem you’re not ready for the zero system after all,” Sally sighed. 

“What about the people?” I inquired more of Duo, but it was Sally who answered. 

“Several are injured, but there were no fatalities,” she revealed bringing only a small amount of relief to my soul. 

How could I have attacked my allies? The incident was weighed, measured and analyzed while I was put through the toughest set of tests I had endured since my induction, but nothing could have prepared me for the moment I had to face my piers again. I had long since learned to bear the weight of their indifference, but the anger and discontent that washed over me when I entered the common room left little doubt as to the feelings of those I serve with. 

“Hiiro,” Quatre breathed before I could make good my escape and I wondered why he would bother until I saw Duo smiling by his side. 

“Come on,” he insisted pushing a chair out with his foot under the table. “Take a load off.”

The animosity of the general assembly dimmed by half just because their idol had apparently forgiven me so I took the offered kindness and sat. 

“Are you all right?” Quatre asked though I’d never understood his concern for me. He is very perceptive though and gleaned from my lack of a reply that I was not entirely ‘all right’. “It must’ve been horrible,” he commented laying a hand over mine that I quickly rejected. 

“I don’t remember most of it,” I confessed noting the oddly thoughtful gazes of some of the nearby assembly. 

“Don’t sweat it,” Duo grinned kicking his chair back on two legs. “That zero system has to be a bitch. It’ll be righteous when they find the right pilot to…”

“I am Wings pilot,” I cut in sternly, but my determination only made his lips curl up a little more. 

“Of course,” he smiled looking at me in a way that revealed what he was saying wasn’t what he was thinking. “I’m sure with a little more training you’ll be able to…”

“My training is none of your concern,” I cut him off standing, but the odd quality of the light in his eyes bade me pause. “The problem has already been dealt with.”

“And then some,” he chuckled raising his glass, but I’d already seen the arrogance on his lips. 

“Hiiro…” Quatre tried to interject, but I was tired of their games. 

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. 

His smile was something not entirely human when he turned his strangely violet eyes on me and commented, “When number one goes down, slip number two into the slot.”

My throat went dry while my face warmed because half the assembly was chortling into their plates after his brazen innuendo, but the meaning of the off color remark didn’t elude me. “You’re testing Zero?” I asked just to be sure and his grin hit ungodly proportions. “Damn it!” I growled turning to head for the commanders office. 

It was completely irresponsible of them to put Duo in a position where he might reenact the same mistake I made. I couldn’t believe Une would allow anyone to sit another trial after my failure. I was the best pilot and most capable agent among us. There was no way Duo was going to be able to tolerate…but my misgivings stalled when I walked into the main briefing room and saw that his trail was scheduled to take place in a deserted part of G sector well away from any living beings. Of course, Une wouldn’t be that foolish, but if she thought Duo would perform any better then I had she was mistaken. He was nothing but an arrogant fool living on borrowed time and a lust for adventure that would soon get him killed or worse. There was no choice but to stand by and watch while he threw himself in the fire once more. 

It was agonizing to see him flail and flounder while he fought not only to master Wings superior controls, but once the zero system was initialized his performance deteriorated until it became necessary to disable the suit and bring him in by remote control. It’s a failsafe that is always active when running new equipment or software during training and proved invaluable because even though the suit refused to obey his commands he was still enacting the battle when they extracted him. 

“Will he be all right?” I asked fairly certain that the trial had permanently damaged his mind while I watched them force him onto a gurney and wheel him away. 

“Sally will see to him,” Une commented with her usual detachment before leading her men away. 

No one saw Duo again for almost a week. I was surprised to walk into the common room and see him sitting with his friends laughing as if nothing had happened. 

“Hey! Hiiro!” he called waving amiably, so I headed that way curious as to his state of mind. 

“Are you all right?” I asked once I’d taken a seat. 

“All my neurons appear to be firing properly,” he chuckled. “You were right though,” he sighed. “That zero system is a monster. I’m surprised they started testing before it was refined more, but maybe once it’s been reconfigured so it doesn’t scramble the pilot’s brain it’ll be okay.”

“Um,” Quatre began flashing a glance my way. “Hiiro’s had several successful trials since your…absence,” he informed him bringing an odd light to his eyes and an uncommon shifting in my chest. 

“Has he?” he smiled and I wished he wouldn’t. I was used to being leered at when I’ve bested another, but that strange emotion in his eyes was making me very uncomfortable. 

“The complexity of the system was unexpected,” I explained. “The error had been corrected.”

He seemed to grow more smug as time worn on though I couldn’t fathom why. He’d lost as I had proven numerous times I was capable of mastering the zero system that had almost robbed him of his sanity, but he just kept smiling at me until I finally excused myself, but I couldn’t get his reaction out of my head. It annoyed me that he had somehow become a constant consideration even when I was the one who came out on top and I couldn’t understand why I still felt as if he’d won. 

*knock*knock*

It was uncommon for anyone to be dropping by my room and considering it was almost midnight I was set ill at ease. 

“Duo?” Why was he there? He looked…different somehow. “What do you want?” I asked mildly shocked when he stepped forward and almost ran into me. “What’re you doing?” I asked sternly, stepping back so he wasn’t right in my face, but he only stood there and smiled from beneath his bangs. I couldn’t see his eyes properly and wondered over his arrival even as he pushed the door closed. “If it’s about the trials…” I began, then gasped while my heart jumped into my throat when he lunged forward, wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me full on the mouth. 

“Stop!” I growled, but the strength had left my legs. “What’re you…?!” I tried, but he was gnawing on my jaw and pushing me backward and something was happening in my chest that stole my breath away. “Duo,” I choked when my legs hit the bed, but then he was kissing me and I lost my mind. 

I can’t describe it any differently because when I felt the heat of his mouth and my hands came into contact with his body all I wanted to do was drive myself deep inside him. He was lean, but so soft to the touch and he tasted so sweet I just couldn’t make myself protest any further than mild reluctance over why he was doing it. My mind was already baking in his heat by the time I got a glimpse of his eyes, so I didn’t have the mind to wonder over the oddly glazed expression. All that registered was that he was so hot for me he was shaking and clawing at my clothes. 

“Duo…please,” I begged uncharacteristically. “Wh…ah!” I gasped when his mouth descended and his head nudged under the hem of my shirt so that he could nibble on my navel and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. My hands embedded in his hair while my head fell back and the next thing I knew he had me in his mouth and was working on turning my mind inside out. 

It was so easy to forget the why and soak up the heat. I accepted what he was doing with growing enthusiasm lifting my head in utter bewilderment to gaze down at his bobbing mouth from time to time. I couldn’t believe he was doing that and felt a heated rush every time my eyes confirmed it was true. He moaned as my fervor grew and I almost came undone. I’d never even done anything like that with girl, but the fact that he wasn’t female hardly even entered my mind. At least until he backed off and was suddenly looming above me. 

“Duo…wait,” I entreated unable to stop my fingers from sliding along the slick surface of his skin while he wriggled and writhed on top of me. “I don’t…understAND!” I gulped because he’d managed to straddle my hips and was sucking me inside the heat of his body. “Shit!” I gasped while my hands clutched his hips and I thrust instinctively upwards and the resultant cry of ultimate rapture that danced upon his lips gripped me so violently it was all I could do not to snap his bones as I set a hungry pace. 

He clung to me so desperately, his wet body strung so tight it was all I could do to keep a hold of him, but it felt so good inside him I forced the issue, then he kissed me with such passion I completely lost it. He squeaked when I rolled us over and laid into him, but I didn’t have the mind to consider his discomfort. He started it and I was determined to finish it. It was the most incredible moment of my life to hold him like that, to control him, to know it was me and my efforts alone that brought that crackling light to his passion bright eyes was such a thrill I couldn’t stop and pushed us into the mist much too quickly for my liking. I wanted him again before my body even stopped shaking, but when my vision finally cleared it was to discover he had passed out. 

As flattering as that fact was it still left me feeling horribly unfulfilled. My body was floating around on a cloud, but my mind was so utterly lost I didn’t know what to think. Why did he do it? And to come on so strong I barely had a choice in the matter. My chest started to ache while I watched him slumber so peacefully and I wondered if he did that sort of thing on a regular basis. He’d been so intent on having me, but it wasn’t like we had any sort of relationship outside the competition we shared with all our piers. Or was it really just…me? I wanted to ask him, but he refused to wake and I ended up falling asleep waiting for him to recover. When I woke the next day he was gone. 

“Hiiro?!” Quatre gasped when I strode up to him and Trowa in the courtyard later that day. 

I’d looked for Duo everywhere, but hadn’t had any luck locating him. He wasn’t on the schedule for any active duty, which left me with little recourse but to question his friends. “Where’s Duo?” I asked somewhat more sternly that I intended. 

Trowa’s eyes flicked up and down my body as if assessing something while Quatre gaped at me. “We haven’t seen him since lunch,” he informed me. “Why?” he asked suddenly concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“I need to speak with him,” I explained wondering for the hundredth time how he could have eluded me. Unless…was he purposely avoiding me?

“Hey, guys. What’s up?”

I spun around to find him strolling casually up to us with the most carefree expression in his eyes and was instantly enraged. “Where did you go?!” I growled setting him back a step while Quatre and Trowa spread out cautiously.

“What’re you talking about?” he asked seeming bewildered by the question. 

I couldn’t believe his callous attitude after what we’d done. “You know exactly what I mean!” I snapped and though his eyes flashed it was not the remorseful light I had anticipated. “What was that shit last night!?”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!” he snarled getting in my face. “I was on patrol last night!”

“What?” I gasped unable to reconcile his claim. “That’s…not possible.” What was happening?

“Check the log!” he snapped

I was already working on it having pulled my handheld and logged in. It wasn’t possible, but his name was on the list, which meant he’d been walking the parameter ten miles away at the same time that my mind told me he’d been laying under me in a passionate heat. 

“Hiiro,” Quatre gently interjected. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I pulled away from his tender touch and marched straight into Une’s office. 

“Hiiro?” she inquired uncertainly as I hadn’t given her secretary time to announce me. 

“What are the repercussions of the Zero System?” I demanded unable to banish the searing memories of Duo’s passion from my mind. 

“Is there a problem?” she asked evenly. 

“I may have experienced a psychotic episode,” I confessed feeling ill. It couldn’t be true, he’d come to me, we’d held each other with such honesty…but… “I have memories of an event that could not have taken place.”

“Are you sure?”

“It involves others who have confirmed their presence elsewhere,” I explained feeling more foolish by the moment. What was wrong with me? Why would I concoct such a ludicrous fantasy about Duo? We hardly even knew each other!

“Very well,” Une sighed. “Report to Sally for a psyche evaluation.”

I felt a little better knowing that the incident was being investigated even if what I told Sally was sketchy. The fact that I’d conjured up a heated exchange between me and Duo was irrelevant, all that mattered was that it wasn’t real and my mind was still insisting it was. Gods, I could still smell the sweet scent of his mouth when I closed my eyes. 

**

“Hiiro.”

No.

“Duo?” I hadn’t seen him since that afternoon so why was he standing at my door? “Wait,” I pleaded wishing with all my might I had the will to push him away when he stepped into my arms. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be because he wouldn’t come to my room and offer himself like that, but he felt so solid in my arms. 

I realized while he kissed me and his slender body rolled under my palms that there was a very real possibility I was loosing my mind due to exposure to the Zero System. Sally explained during my interview that such instances had been recorded before in pilots who attempted to master it, but I couldn’t account for the validity of his mouth under mine. He was so warm as his arms clung to me while his long legs wrapped hungrily around my hips and I growled deep in my chest when I turned and dropped him in my bed. 

Reality be damned. If I was crazy there were certainly less pleasant psychosis to endure. I was in the privacy of my room with no one to see and no reason to stop other than the distant knowledge that patronizing the delusion wasn’t the best way to stay sane. I couldn’t reconcile my need for him anymore than I could reason why his actions surprised and delighted me. It seemed as though I should know what he would do since my mind was creating the encounter, but he never ceased to thrill and enchant me with the unexpected. I was bewildered by his hunger when he went down on me and nearly came off the bed when his hand sought out my backside and did things I never would have dared dream would feel so good. Then he was crawling over me and I flashed on the reality that it wasn’t true when he spread his legs and lustfully impaled himself on my shaft. It had to be a dream. There was no other explanation for his hunger because the real Duo certainly wouldn’t be riding me in a heated passion while his body strove so hard to bring me such pleasure and I felt a blinding pain lance my chest when I came because the truth was I wanted it to be real. 

And I dreamed. 

I realized the next morning that I must have dozed off afterward because I was once again alone, but the memory of the dreams remained. We were together within the landscape of my mind. He was smiling and holding me tight. We made love and wiled the hours away in conversation or fought like hellhounds over achievements yet to be realized, but always he was there, only a heartbeat away from being nestled in my arms and I suddenly understood why my mind had chosen him. 

“Has there been any further development?” Sally asked when I turned up in her office. 

“Yes,” I sighed taking a seat. “I had another episode last night.”

“I see,” she replied opening her pad and turning on the recorder that perpetually sat on her desk. “Can you detail what you remember?”

I understood her frustration over my reluctance to put what I was experiencing into words, but it was horribly embarrassing to admit I’d spent the night having a psychotic episode about ravaging Duo. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I replied ignoring her exasperated sigh. “What I experienced couldn’t possibly have happened.”

“But you believed it was real?” 

My eyes slid slowly closed while I recalled the slickness of his skin and breathed, “Yes.”

“It would help if you could give me more information,” she gently entreated easing into the topic with the greatest of skill. 

“I just…want it,” I gulped unwilling to open my eyes and banish the memory of him. “That must be why,” I reasoned. 

“Why what?” she softly inquired. 

“Why I…why he…”

“Hey, Sal?”

“Duo?” she hissed clearly unhappy with his intrusion, but my face had caught instantly on fire and I was suddenly headed for the door. 

“Oh, sorry…” he began, but stalled when I pushed past him. 

I stopped outside to catch my breath and listen to what they said in case it had anything to do with me, but was taken aback while they spoke. 

“What did you want,” she grumbled. 

“Sorry,” he said letting the door swing to, but it didn’t shut so I could still hear. “I just wondered if there was anything going around.”

“Are you ill?” she inquired and my skin was washed with a heated wave.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Maybe I picked up a stomach bug or something. Do you have any suppositories?”

“For what?” she asked while my mind melted and ran into my shoes. 

“I think I might have hemorrhoids or something,” he grumbled and I ran like a mad hare.

It couldn’t be! But that had been real…hadn’t it? Or was I so far gone my delusions were invading my days as well? I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, but I have undergone some of the finest training known to man, so I beat a path to the duty roster and headed for Agent Bays current class. He was scheduled with Duo two nights past and would have information pertaining to his patrol duties that night. 

“What?” he asked backing away while I advanced. 

“Did you see or speak to Duo between the hours of 11:00 P.M. and 3:00 A.M. during your patrol night before last?” I repeated loosing patience with his nervous uncertainty. 

“I…we were on watch…”

“11:00 P.M.!” I growled snatching him off his feet by the scruff of his collar. 

“No!” he gasped. “He…never checked in that night!”

I dropped him like a hot brand and headed for Quatre and Trowa’s room, but when I got there they were out. It took almost an hour to locate them where they had decided to take a picnic up on the roof and I was momentarily stunned by the fact that Trowa had him pinned buck naked to the tarmac, but my need for information outweighed my desire to respect their privacy. 

“What do you mean?” Quatre was saying while he tried desperately to control the ramped color on his face as he got dressed. “Is something wrong with Duo?”

“That is what I am investigating,” I replied trying to keep it cool, though the idea that I had actually spent the past two nights rocking Duo’s world was making me feel like I’d slipped a notch. “Did you see him last night after 10:00?”

“No,” he replied glancing at Trowa who shook his head. “But he’s usually retired by then. Hiiro!?” he gasped when I turned to leave. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied without turning around. “But I’m going to find out.”

I’d never felt a rage the likes of which was bubbling in my crawl. It was the dirtiest attempt to undermine a fellow agent I had ever heard of. I couldn’t believe he’d stoop so low as to seduce me, then pretend it hadn’t happened just to make me believe I couldn’t handle Zero!! And I’d fallen for it! It wasn’t bad enough I’d let him defile my body, but he’d managed to desecrate my heart in the bargain and I was fit to be tied when I caught site of him in the courtyard. I was numbly aware of the people between us skittering away when I advanced, but my mind was on only one thing. 

“Hiiro!?” Wufei gasped just narrowly jerking Duo out of the way before I ploughed into him. 

“Stand and fight!” I snarled lunging again, but with Wufei’s aid he eluded me. 

“What!?” he exclaimed running up a tree to back flip over my head and escape. “What the hell’s wrong with you!?” 

“I’ll not be toyed with!” I growled advancing, but he’s a nimble little minx and managed to twist away. 

“What’re you talking about?” he gasped tripping over a clump of grass while he retreated, but my victory was stolen away when Wufei hit me in the side. 

“YOU USED ME!!” I roared tossing Wufei at him knocking them both to the ground. “Never come to my room again!!” The next instant I was on them with Wufei helplessly crushed between us, but my hands had found their way around Duo’s neck and I was prepared to make sure he understood the depth of my pain when he ripped my world asunder. 

“I’ve…never been to your room!” he rasped and I released him instantly because there was truth in his claim. 

I didn’t understand how it could be at first, but he honestly believed what he was saying. I watched him cough and untangle himself from Wufei while the people in the yard gaped and whispered, but it didn’t come clear until I suddenly remembered he had once piloted Wing Zero. 

“You don’t remember,” I accused feeling hurt and betrayed because of it. 

“You’ve lost it,” he rasped still rubbing his throat while Wufei helped him up and glared at me. 

“We have to see Une,” I informed him. 

“No shit,” he agreed and I wished heartedly for the days when my heart was steadfastly unaware. 

**

“Excuse me?” Duo inquired trying to assimilate the events of the past two days. “Wait,” he chuckled nervously. “You’re saying I showed up in your room.”

“Yes,” I confirmed trying not to spontaneously combust under the watchful eyes of Une and Sally. 

“But I don’t remember it.”

“We have confirmed the fact that it is possible for you to have visited Hiiro’s room despite your duties,” Une interjected. “However,” she went on eyeing me carefully as was Sally though I loathed the necessity to continue. “There is no conclusive evidence that you did.”

“What makes you so sure Duo’s visit was real?” Sally asked clearly anxious to deduce the facts. 

“When he came to see you today,” I began wishing with all my might my tongue would fall out so I couldn’t speak. “He complained of…pain.”

“Yes,” Sally nodded still confused. Une was watching me and Duo still looked arrogant and expectant. 

“Anal pain,” I pressed hoping they’d get it, but even I knew what I was saying was vague. However, Duo’s skin had paled.

“Why would this validate your claim?” Une inquired. 

“Because,” I sighed heavily looking into Duo’s suddenly shiny eyes when I confessed, “When he came to me…we had sex.”

“WHAT!?” he gasped jumping almost entirely over the back of the couch. If the wall hadn’t been there he’d have hit the ground running. 

“I’m sorry…’ I tried, but he was totally freaking out. 

“He’s fucking insane!” he shouted scampering over behind Sally. “Why in the hell would I want to have sex with a guy?!”

“Duo,” Une evenly intoned calming him somewhat. 

“It’s that Zero System!” he suddenly snapped. “It’s fried his brain!”

“Whereas, that is a viable possibility,” Sally interjected turning to face him. “The truth is easy enough to confirm.”

“What?!” he exclaimed backing away. 

“Testing will be required,” she explained eyeing him knowingly.

His face scrunched up angrily, then suddenly set in determination. “All right,” he agreed, “but when his idiotic claim is proven false I want a formal apology and free snack cakes for a year!”

Une’s left brow rose while he stormed out and I was left to explain, “We often bet with snacks.”

I had no idea how to feel when the tests came back positive. My first concern was Duo and how he was taking it, but there were so many conflicting emotions. I’d discovered I had very real, very deep feelings for him and had no idea what to do about it. The fact that he was obviously adverse to a relationship with a man was so utterly baffling I couldn’t put it together. He’d wanted me so badly during our time together I just couldn’t fathom his being unaware of his needs. 

Sally concluded that his short exposure to Zero had, indeed, done more damage than they originally thought and prescribed treatments that would hopefully heal his mind. However, the events that occurred between us had caused scars on both our hearts that weren’t going to be so easily mended. 

“What do you want?” he asked and I felt a pain grip my heart at the absence of light in his tone. 

“Are you all right?” I asked uncertain of how to say the things I really wanted to. 

“As compared to what?” he snorted refusing to look at me, but his eyes weren’t really seeing the landscape out the window either. 

I didn’t know what to say. “If there’s anything I can do…”

“You’ve done enough!” he snapped sending a sharp pain through my chest, but it paled in comparison to the sorrow that filled me up when he quietly demanded, “Just go away.”

“Duo, I…”

“Why?!” he suddenly growled turning his righteous fury on me and I backed up a step in shock. “Why didn’t you kick me out or tie me down or do anything besides defile me!?!?”

I’m afraid I stood staring at him in utter shock for a time before what he was saying finally sank in. He’d been totally unaware of what happened between us and still had no recollection of the tenderness that had opened my eyes and revealed my feelings for him. He obviously felt violated and betrayed and it was my inability to deny him that had made it so. 

“I’m sorry,” I sighed uncertain of what to do. “I just…”

“Just what?!” he snapped coming off the cot. “Just figured you’d have a go at the psychotic looser! What sort of fucked up mind violates someone in that situation!?”

“You’re the one who came onto me!” I countered growing angry as well. He wouldn’t even listen!

“You didn’t have to accept!” he shouted. 

“It’s not that simple!” I snipped sulkily. 

“So you figured you’d just bang the nutcase and get a little thrill!?” 

“Of course not!” I growled loosing some of the steam. “I just…”

“Just what!?” 

My eyes rose to regard him when I confessed, “I just…wanted you…so badly.”

The expression in his eyes was indescribable. I didn’t know for a moment if he intended to kill me or simply walk out of the room. He chose to sit on the cot again, much to my dismay, then hung his head before peering up at me and asking, “What?”

“I never realized,” I enthused daring to come closer, “but when you kissed me…”

“Shit,” he sighed scrubbing a hand over his face, but I was intent on making him understand. 

“No, listen,” I insisted. “I know it sounds strange, but touching you like that,” I ignored the uncomfortable roll of his eyes, “It made me realize how deeply I care for you.”

I had not expected him to eye me hard and inquire, “You’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

“What?” I blustered. “What does that have to do with anything?”

He nodded knowingly and gathered his clothes as he was still wearing the examination gown. “Don’t sweat it,” he said and his suddenly dismissive attitude both angered and terrified me. “Lot’s of people think they’re in love after sex. You’ll get over it.”

“Duo,” I growled loosing patience with him. 

“Go home, Hiiro.”

“It was real!” I snapped nearing my wits end, but he merely turned a sad eye on me and replied…

“Not for me.”

That was a lie, I knew it was because I’d felt the heat of his kiss and knew the honesty of his passion. He squeaked when I jerked him into my arms and struggled mightily while I kissed him, but I’m considerably stronger than him, so he was forced to endure until I felt his body wilt and his bones begin to tremble. 

“There has to be a reason you came to me,” I told him breathlessly holding him tight. “Please, if you could remember even just a little I know you’d understand.”

“It was just...coincidence…” he panted, then groaned when I kissed him again. 

It almost set my blood on fire when he melted in my arms and I had to lay him back on the cot to keep from dropping him. “No,” I insisted laying soft kisses along his neck. “It was real…just like this…you wanted me….that’s why.”

“That’s why,” he breathed and my entire body tingled when his arms came around my neck. 

“Duo!” I gasped diving in for a long, deep kiss. 

“Hiiro!” We scrambled off the cot and stood smoldering in our shoes while Sally glared damnation at us. “What’s going on here!?” 

“We were just…”

“Hiiro was trying to help me remember,” he told her and for a moment I glared until I realized it was the truth. 

“And?” she asked tapping her foot impatiently. 

“His touch is familiar,” he confessed steadfastly looking away. 

“Are you attracted to him?” Sally asked in the interest of science, but I almost swallowed my tongue and I couldn’t help the hopeful light in my eyes while I waited for his reply. 

He stood for a moment, then eyed me sideways and my blood sparked when his eyes traveled my frame and he replied, “Yes.”

“I see,” she nodded relaxing somewhat. “That would explain your late night visits.”

“But I don’t get it,” he persisted looking me over again. “I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

“Sexual attraction often goes unnoticed between friends who believe there is no chance of a relationship,” Sally commented. “It could be that you never thought of it that way because you’re both male.”

“Why does that matter?” I interjected fearing the conclusion that it should all end because of that fact. They both looked at me, Sally with a raised brow and Duo with mild curiosity. “Duo,” I persisted forgetting the doctor in favor of addressing him. “What we shared was as real as any love between a man and woman. I know it seems strange, but…”

“It’s not that strange,” he shrugged and my mind suddenly flashed on Quatre and Trowa. They were his best friends so surely he knew of their romance. 

My lips curled into a knowing grin. “Perhaps this feeling was trapped in the shadows of your heart,” I reasoned stepping closer to touch his arms, “but I’ve felt it and it’s real.” He was just looking at me, considering. “Let me help you realize it,” I begged cupping his face gently. 

He regarded me for a moment before his eyes shifted to Sally and he asked, “What am I supposed to do now?”

I was most grateful when she cast a sideways smile and informed him, “That is entirely up to you,” before she eased out of the room. 

“Duo?”

“I don’t know, Hiiro,” he sighed. “It’s a secret I’ve even kept from myself.”

“Then we’ll ease it gently into the light,” I promised daring to draw a small kiss from the corner of his mouth. 

He sighed so softly it made me want to drown in the sound, then opened his eyes and smiled.

owari :)

**Author's Note:**

> Write it, draw it, create it, sing it, SHARE IT. ~ Sunhawk 2019


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